A Beginner's Guide to Stealing Someone's Soul

It had to be done. XD

In the spirit of Halloween, I'm making an official guide to stealing peoples' souls. But to do that, we must first take a trip back in time...


THE EVOLUTION:
BACK IN THE OLDEN DAYS, soul-stealing, or 'stouling' as it is fondly referred to as, was considered taboo. Granted, people still did it, but you wouldn't tell anyone that or you would be an outcast. Among the first stoulers were Sir Francis Bacon, Juan Ponce de Leon, General George Pickett, Benito Mussolini, Amelia Earhart, and Al Pachino. Secret stoulers today include Vladimir Putin, Chris Rock, Lady Gaga, and George Clooney. As well as yours truly. The first catalogs of stouling were lost to Egyptian dust and Bushido, as it was considered dishonorable by the Egyptians and the Samurai. Most of you know what triggered the Dark Ages--the fall of Rome. And what triggered the fall of Rome? The German barbarians, of course. But does anyone give consideration to the fact that the German barbarians were only victorious because they STOLE THE ROMANS' SOULS?! Of course not.

It's highly confidential.


THE SCIENCE OF STOULING:
Some make the foolish common misconception that soul-stealing is invisible to the naked eye. They are entirely wrong. May I have a volunteer? Yes, you, the mean substitute teacher! I know you didn't raise your hand. I don't care. Get your butt over here. OBSERVE, MORTALS! -twilight zone music- Right now, as you can see, I am stealing his soul via his eye socket. You just hold your hand like this...and BOOM! You see it? Yes, folks, that semi-translucent silvery gaseous cloud drifting to my fingertips is his soul. Pure souls are light colored, but see! The reddish tint of this man's soul indicates cruelty! You should have no problem with me stealing it. Now, look closer. The soul is forming an orb in my hand. To properly steal one's soul, one must always carry with him a patented Bag O' Souls! Made of fashionable, luscious black leather! I simply open the bag. The light coming out of the bag is the spirit realm. Don't worry, they don't bite. Hard. Watch--look at how the soul simply floats down into the bag. Now I close it. Thank you sir, you may sit down. Well, you already are. HEY! Look at me when I'm talking to you! Oh, stop gurgling you wuss.


WHY STEAL SOULS?:
Stouling is an activity for the whole family to enjoy. Ever need a snack? Pull out some poor sucker's soul and eat it. High in fiber and protein. Delicious, too. WARNING: BAD SOULS TASTE LIKE ROTTEN EGGS. DO NOT EAT.



So, there you have it. Any further questions you have, I will answer on "Socky's Question Board". Happy stouling!


SOCKY'S QUESTION BOARD:


Question: Is there a requirement to steal souls? If so, what? Submitted by a Suburban Silver
Unfortunately for your face, yes, there is a requirement. Back in the day, stouling was a free-for-all activity, but now you need an official stouling liscence. I'll see if I can fix you up with one.

Question: How many calories per soul? Submitted by a Coral Pink
Prepare, because this will shock your face: Only 900 calories! Who knew they were so good for you?

Question: Does the soul carrying pouch come in silk? Submitted by a Coral Pink
Not many, but I'm sure you can find one on eBay. Also, there is a soul-trading black market in your neighbor's basement, if you wanna check it out. They sell everything--from soul-snatching imps who do the job for ya to stylish silky soul bags! YAY! (and yes, I have been in your neighbor's basement's black market. Very cool.)

Question: Do you need to be skilled in anything to steal souls? I mean, can you be clumsy or have no talent whatsoever and still steal souls? Submitted by a Random Rainbow Swirl
All of your faces are so unfortunate. NO, you cannot be clumsy. To be a master stouler like me, you had to have swam across a volcano when you were six-months old and wrestled a crocodile. There might be hope for you people yet, though...! Also, to be a good stouler, you cannot afford clumsiness. The spirits in your Bag O' Souls can smell your clumsiness and uncertainty and will proceed to RIP YOUR HEART OUT AND FEED IT TO THE JACKALS!! If you're clumsy, of course. Other than that, there is no special requirement other than a license.

Question: Is there a requirement to steal souls? If so, what?

Good question!

WONDERFUL! send the stouling license soon!

Oh dear, Lady Gaga?
ch ch ch. Who would have thought?

Oh and, Kind Sir, may I toss a few thoughts about?

How many calories per soul?
and also,
does the soul carrying pouch come in silk? Only the finest for my cousin Clooney.

YOUR QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED DEAR CHILD!

Ah! Thank you.

Also, I rightly appreciate your avatar. It's quite the 'bee's knees'.

*terrible english accent* Why, Maddam Coral is correct. That Avatar is a slap on the knee as well.

XD


You guys crack me up.
*ahem*

I mean you two always host a jolly time.

yeeeeah.

LOL!

*ahem*

I mean, you give me an exquisite feeling of joy and give a jolly laugh. Yo.

feet.

I have a question! -Waveshandinairlikelunatic-
-Ahem- Do you need to be skilled in anything to steal souls? I mean, can you be clumsey or have no talent whatsoever and still steal souls?

YOUR QUESTION HAS BEEN ANSWERED BY THE GREAT OZ!

Looks like I'ma have to swim across a volcano kinda late. Umm.. Clumsey? Me? Pfft, of course not. Hehh...

That's the license? YESH!

Lol if you want you can post it here. I'm not supposed to be on the computer so I can't make mine right now. XD P.S. I MADE THAT ON PAINT! :D

Well, I'll just type it.

Avatar: http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs51/f/2009/265/8/7/Forest_Spirit_Avatar_by_KibaKazuki.gif
Motto: THe only thing to fear is fear itself... and me.

Name: Subur Bian
Gender: Male
Favorite Teletubby: Tinky Winky
If you could have a super power, it would be: being able to grant wishes.
Insurance: Dunno
Ever been stung by a jellyfish?: Nope

Avatar: http://avatars.zenfs.com/users/1bBORYhNAAAEDBAJpdBNdiFv1LA==.large.png
Motto: I don't pwn, I pwn a lot.
Name: Branch. Just Branch. xD
Gender: Female
Favorite Teletubby: Po
If you could have a super power, it would be: Speed, so I can pwn the boys in my class. xD
Insurance: None. I don't need it, I'm soo not clumsey. -Trips- I mean..
Ever been stung by a jellyfish?: No. What kinda question is that, Socky? xD

I think it relates to the insurance part... oh gawd

-shakes head- You guys better gettchu some insurance! XD And the name doesn't have to be your real name, just your "RPC name". :P

Cool... so... about that insurance... Can i have your credit card number? *Holds out hand infront of Sock's face*

no

Just kiddin'! *puts hand down* Soooooooooooooooooooooooo....... you're sure?

JUST FILL IT OUT MEAT PUPPET!